Painful…puzzled…help~~~


I seldom felt happy since my boyfriend failed the graduate school entrance exam. Sometimes I think this world is really unfair, he was so hard-working and perseverant in the last six months. He deserves reward. In my heart, he is such an intelligent person. In the high-school, his mind was so prompt and vigorous when he solved math problems. I just can’t believe he could fail in exams.
This is not the biggest problem. I am not such a short-sighted girl. He applied for a major which is quite promising but has nothing to do with the knowledge he learnt before. That is to say, he had to master those strange and complex professional courses within half a year. He underestimated the difficulty of reviewing so that time was too tight for him to prepare well. I encourage him to try again this year, his response is constantly changing. Sometimes he is so confident and firm-minded, but the next day he can’t be more frustrated.
In our relationship, I am always the one who possesses more faith and determination. I need to support him all the time. He told me again and again that he truly needs me. In the past, when he seemed to give up, I always tried my best to strengthen his courage and confidence in our future. Frankly speaking, now I am so tired of that. Those days, I always see such scenes: A friend’s boyfriend takes care of her considerately when a stack of people have fun together. They are not showing off, but I can still feel how secured that girl feels when her boyfriend is at her side. I envy those girls so much, I feel so sad and disappointed. The shoulder of my boyfriend is too weak to rely on.
How I wish to be an innocent little girl when I face my boyfriend. How I wish that he could tell me: you needn’t pretend to be tough when I am with you. My back is not strong enough to shoulder the dream of two people. I am tortured all the time, I feel that I am about to collapse.
This is the hardest time of my boyfriend since he virtually met no setback in the last twenty years. We fell in love for years and we had many happy memories. Our love is so pure that we treasure it with all passion and strength. However, when I know him better and better, I find we start our relationship too early since he is rather young. His weakness and innocence always makes me feel helpless. He doesn’t know what I want or what I need. He seldom takes action even when he knows. I hate his weakness, I hate it so much!!!
Our contradiction exists for a long time but seems to reach climax now. The cruelty of reality smashes the beautiful illusion created by sweet nonsense. Last week, He tried hard to be a mature man and promised that he wouldn’t make me feel afraid anymore. I persuaded myself to believe in him for the last time. But he told me he felt too burdensome to continue last night. I felt that my heart died.
It is immorally wrong to leave him now. I can’t make myself to do that. How poor he will be if he loses me during this hardship. But it is so painful for me to insist on. I don’t know what to do. I desperately need experienced people to give me suggestion. I searched through all the people I know but I didn’t find anyone who seemed to be proper.