First work day after New Year.

So tired for getting up before 7 o'clock again, a big torture!

Hate go to office so early, that makes me feel I can not concentrate myself from the beginning morning. Sleepless may cause someone upset or irritable easier.

First day, colleagues seems the same in mood, and the office is full of lounged atmosphere. Some are dealing with private matters, some are chatting in threes and fours, some are hareing local specialities with others. Only the bosses seem always busy.

First day after New Year, so need to prepare report to head for our performance during spring days. Here are some general thoughts:

1) First collect Mkt performance from area. It may include: visual materials such as vidos, photos -which can demo our in field marketing activities vividly during this period.

2) Collect sales data during this period and compare with the same period of last year to see our performance.

3) Generate a report and prepare presentation.

Skim though a web on relationship and interpersonal skills, some words attracted me:

    在美国曾发生一个事例：有一个叫安娜的女孩儿，因为是个私生女，所以一直被外祖父藏在家中的小阁楼里，每天只给她提供维持生命的食物和水，却不让她接触外界和其他人，也就是说，剥夺了她参与社会交往的机会和权利。当人们发现她时，她已经9岁了，可是却不会走路，不会讲话，不会保持个人卫生，甚至不会自己吃东西。再看她的表情，目光呆滞，对周围的世界毫无兴趣。
    无独有偶。某年，xx的意大利洞穴专家毛利奇蒙泰尔做了一个非常xx的地下试验。他把自己置身于一个很深的洞穴中，在这个洞穴里，有足够他吃一年的食物和维持生命的生活用品，有100多部电影碟片和一些健身车、健身球供他娱乐。但是，在这个洞穴里除了他自己，没有其他人。某年，蒙泰尔从洞穴里出来了。经过一年与世隔绝的生活，蒙泰尔变得目光呆滞，脸色惨白，语言不畅。他的记忆力、交往能力和语言表达能力，都发生了严重的退化。

I am now just living as 毛利奇蒙泰尔, I am fare that some day later, I will be like him, because I already found that I have some degenerations in memory, interpersonal skills, and expression ability after living alone for more than 2 years without any boyfriend. Maybe I should consider David or someone else as my candidated partner from this year, whatever, for any reasons. But it seems that it is not only the problem about the sexual relationship, but also about the common relationship such as colleague relationship, ralative relationship, and common friends relationship.

As I remembered that, before Lao Wang's leave, they are all in normal without any degenerations. What happened to me at all? What make me lose my courage and energy from his leave? Sounds incredible.

I know I shouldn't care about other ones thoughts or comments, but I was still hurted when WM said to me: I do not know why you are staying here, staying in Beijing alone with this kind of life as a girl, I can't imagine, if I were you, no boyfriend, no resident, no parents, I should choose stay with my parents in my hometown. I doubt what are you for to be here?

She is right in some part. I was so poor in their opion. What I am really for to live here?

Look, two married women make me puzzled and embarrasamed about my life here. Now it can explain why WL dislike making relationship with some married ones but only single girls like WYH, LY, HY. In some way I see the reason. Both of us are sensitive towards other one's comments and rejected sympathy.   We do not need pity from other people. So the only thing we need to do is just leave them away and do not join their group.

I shouldn't be hurted by their words. But I really should think about my living status and try to improve it.

My brother Mr ZZQ said to me: Why you are here? Just because you are here for your boyfriend, your friends, your parents of future.

He is alway wisdom. I appreciated his supportive words. Good guy! I like him.